Author: Melissa

So. We just did our morning drop off.

The plan was that we’d do our normal drop off and his teacher would observe from a distance so that we could figure out the best place to transition Monkey. We wanted a location a that he was relatively comfortable in (so, not a doorway) and one that would not subject him to staring if he had a hard time. He is hyper-aware of being watched so I had little hope that his teacher was going to be able to find a location to observe from unobtrusively.

When we arrived at school I convinced Monkey to run with me a little to enjoy the “windy” day. Monkey loves wind in his hair! I looked around and did not see his teacher, I was thinking, “Wow, she did a great job of hiding!” I even thought that maybe she was observing from the second floor balcony. That all came to a crashing halt though when we walked around the final corner to his classroom and his teacher was just leaving the room. What the #3!!?

You could tell by the look on her face that she knew she’d flubbed up. She moved quickly out of his way so she wasn’t between him and the door. What she didn’t realize though was she’d just made the most brilliant move ever. One that could not have been planned. She moved into the space where Monkey normally gets “stuck”. With his teacher there, there was nothing left for Monkey to do but step on into the classroom.

Duhdee hung up his backpack and we kissed him goodbye just inside the doorway just like all the other parents. Now if we can just figure out how to choreograph this so she is stepping out of the door and into The Waiting Place every morning…

I owe Duhdee an e-mail. Why do I need to e-mail my husband ((Besides the fact that we are geeks and generally communicate electronically even when we are both home? Srsly, he will Skype me from the kitchen. Uh huh, rly. Moving on.))? Yesterday, when Duhdee picked up Monkey from school ((Yes, we sent him to school. No fever, no vomiting, no day off. District policy.)) he was handed a packet. Anyone who has a child on an IEP knows that a packet is never good news. BUT! It was Monkey’s progress reports and he is making progress so what was the issue?

The issue was the short note that was sent to all of the families. Effective this morning (so said the note) we are expected to transition Monkey to a staff member AT THE DOOR OF THE CLASSROOM and walk away.  Brilliant! *Blink*Blink*

Er, no?

We’re not opposed to building more independence into his morning routine. We’re not opposed to changing the morning process. We are opposed to changing a transition process that we’ve been using for 3 years ((With admittedly mixed results depending on the teacher, the first planned activity of the day, the phase of the moon, etc.)) with no time to prepare Monkey.

A sudden change in schedule for Monkey is OK on a one or two off basis, he’ll roll with it…but if it continues the boy knows how to put his FOOT DOWN. And the people who pay for it are Duhdee and I. There was a time we couldn’t leave our house without tears ((Mostly Monkey tears but some of mine too.)) because Monkey was so stressed about school that he cried and carried on until he was 100% sure we were not going to school. Words were not enough to convince him, we had to wrestle him into the car and listen to him stress and cry until we drove away from the school. Since his school was in our neighborhood this made MOST trips hell.

So, this morning we showed up at school with not a single clue as to what to expect. What we were met with was his teacher standing 3 feet inside the door with a piece of paper. On the paper were two PECs symbols. After backpack, water tornados. She acknowledged the need for minimizing verbal instructions during the transition. I think this might work, the issue is where do we transition? Stepping over a threshold is very challenging for Monkey in all locations…I don’t think saying good-bye to us and then asking him to step through the door is going to work.

Back to the e-mail, Duhdee wants me send him my thoughts so he can share them with the teacher this afternoon. We don’t want to have another morning of confused, half measures. Fair enough.

I want the transition to happen at a location where Monkey can have trouble without being an object of intense observation. I don’t want people staring at him when he’s already having a tough time. The door to the classroom is already loaded with anxiety in the morning. Other than that I guess I’m open to it. Like I told Duhdee, I don’t want to be the one to assume Monkey can’t do something. Now if I could just figure out where this mythical location is…

One of the recommendations from the OT at our last visit to the Fragile X clinic was to consider Under Armour for Monkey. Since he benefits so much from deep pressure we thought it had a chance of being really good for him. Of course, if there is one thing we’ve learned, it’s that Monkey often doesn’t much care what we think so it was really a total cwap shoot but we decided to give it a try.

We found an Under Armour outlet in Kittery and stocked up. We bought short-sleeved shirts, shorts and one pair of pants. We thought the shorts had a better chance of success but we wanted to try the pants too.

Two weeks into the trial, one of his teachers commented how much better he was doing at circle time. Instead of needing constant reminders to stay seated he was able to stay on his own! Circle time has always been a challenge for him because of the need to stay still and the fact that it’s always language based activities…not his strength.

A month and a half month into the Under Armour experiment and Monkey was so relaxed during story time that he began laying down and even staying there for a few minutes once the other kids get up. I don’t think you can explain this huge change in such a short period of time by saying it was just him maturing.

So, what does this have to do with making new friends? The result of a more relaxed Monkey is that he’s better able to make social connections. He is more tolerant of the busy, busy boys so he’s spending more time with the boys rather than his previous preference for the girls and their quieter play. In spending more time with the boys, relationships are developing. He talks more about the boys at home and on the way to school. He goes out of his way to be sure that his friends have what they need in the classroom (gathering lunch bags or other items before they leave the classroom) and he even has requested a play date with a classmate.

This morning we saw evidence of how much this friendship is being reciprocated. We were running late ((How do ALL the alarms in the house fail on the same morning?!?)) so we met two of his friends in the hallway as they took the attendance sheet to the office. They greeted him with big smiles and he returned the greetings. Everyone had moved to “morning meeting” so we had to rush to get Monkey set up to join them. Monkey had a hard time with this change and was really struggling. When it came time to “check in” by moving his name tag onto the wall with all the other kids who were in class, he missed the velcro. The tag fluttered to the floor and Monkey ran into the coat closet. He was stressed out and we knew we had to stop with the verbal prompts.

Just then the boys returned from their errand and one of them took a look at Monkey, stressed out and hiding in the closet, and then he noticed Monkey’s name tag on the floor. He didn’t ask what was wrong. He didn’t seem concerned at all. He just decided to help. He picked up the tag and put it on the last open spot on the check-in board, smiled at Monkey and moved on giving Monkey the space he needed to join the class. Just then, from the circle, we heard the teacher ask if the class had any questions they’d like to ask about a classmate. One of the boys raised their hands and said he had a question about Monkey.

I turned to look at the group, prepared for the obvious questions about what was wrong with Monkey, why was he upset, why was he in the closet, etc. I was preparing myself mentally to step in and explain how changes in the routine were very hard for him and why, when the question popped out. It was from a little boy in the class who is fairly significantly affected by autism so the question was a little garbled but the teacher was able to get the question out of him. He wanted to know…what Monkey had done yesterday.

That’s it. He didn’t particularly care that Monkey was making a very small scene not 10 feet away. He just wanted to know how his weekend was. I’d tell you how much it means to me to know that these kids just accept Monkey, quirks and all, but I think you all already know.

FWIW, Monkey’s weekend was *great.* It was no big deal, we just went on a successful play date in a new house with all new kids and all new adults. It’s not like that was THE MOST AMAZING THING EVER or anything *SQUEE*