Day 1, done.

So, I put on my big girl panties yesterday and gave the Monkey man his medication.

We had a good day.  I wasn’t sure if it was having a small effect or if it was wishful thinking.  Duhdee was convinced it was working in the morning when Monkey helped him make coffee and, at one point during the process, made sustained (30 seconds) of eye contact with him.  I don’t see how increased eye contact would be a result but….whatever.  It was the first time Monkey has ever held eye contact with Duhdee for that long, so Yay!  He had a 2nd dose at lunch.

This small dose does not seem to be affecting his appetite, he was a snack monster all day.  He was really, really talkative all day long.  He was not jumping from one topic to another as quickly.  He’d make 2 comments about something rather than just 1.   I’m not sure what I expected but it seemed like there were some small improvements.  I was still conflicted.

Then the medication wore off and HOLY SHEET batman!  He was bouncing, he was running, he was JUMPING ON ME, he was chewing on everything.  It was then I realized a few things…

1.)  He’d watched videos during the morning and he’d sat still and watched them through to the end vs jumping in place and jumping from video to video.

2.) He had not needed his chewy tube ALL day.

and

3.) Once he went back on to high speed, which in his case is normal, I couldn’t believe that we have survived nearly 6 years living with the Tasmanian Devil and never noticed.

So THIS is why people always say how amazed they are that we can keep up with him.  It’s all we’ve ever known so it was always hard to respond to that comment.  Now I too am amazed that we’ve kept up with him this long.

So, I guess it’s working but I’m still not truly convinced.  Maybe he was coming down with something…I guess we’ll see.

Soooooo…tomorrow morning…

we start Monkey on a stimulant to try to address the “attentional difficulties” he’s having.  We’ll see how he does over the weekend and if it’s not working, and we’ll know immediately if it’s not, then we will stop.  If it does help then his school nurse is on board to do the afternoon dose for him.

I don’t want this.  I don’t want to medicate my sweet boy…my baby.  I also don’t want to hold him back in any way.  I’ll do it because the Dr. thinks he needs it.  His teacher has been doing ADHD checklists for him periodically for months.  The Dr. had us try other things first which, I know, made me mad because I wanted insta-results and not to have to pay out so much out of pocket.  It’s the right decision.  It might not be the right medication but, clearly, he needs some help with his attention.

Why does this feel like I’m failing at being his Umma?