Today is my dad’s very last day on the job. He is retiring after 41 years (!) of working for the same company. I love my dad so much and I am so, so proud of him and everything he’s done in his life. Congratulations Dad! Monkey is ready for all the “Adventures with Grampa” to start!
Non Sequitur
Oh, I needed this!
The ladies were trying to get me to blog last night but I was too busy nearly peeing my pants. This is just an inevitable occurrence when you take four moms and introduce much hilarity ((And how freaking ironic would it be for us to “get away from it all” only to still find ourselves cleaning up an accident???)).
I wish I had amazing images of the gorgeous mountain scenery and maybe a few shots of us posing like grown-ass adults in front of historically significant monuments but I feel that it is my duty to let you know that you will, very likely, never see such a thing here. Sorry. It turns out that when you take THESE four moms and put them in a beautiful cabin in the mountains, all you get are pornographic snowmen and attempts to stuff people into suitcases. Who knew that getting away from it all would bring out our inner frat boy?
On the serious side, we have all cried too. How can there be no tears when you get four moms of special needs kids together to share their stories and support each other? What is so amazing about it though is that they’ve all been tears of gratitude. These women understand me on a level that is bone deep. They GET IT, they have walked in my shoes. Sometimes they’ve done it better than me and sometimes worse. We can share the stories that we carry in the dark recesses of our minds and feel…understood and accepted. It turns out that those stories lose a little bit of their power every time you drag them out into the open…every time you give someone the opportunity to validate how awful it was and let them lift a bit of that burden off your shoulders.
I think it’s important to remember that no one of us is free of the emotional turmoil that comes gratis ((Gee, thanks for that freebie!)) on this journey. No one of us has all the answers. No one of us has always handled everything perfectly. We are all the perfectly imperfect parents of some amazing kids. Whatever we do, whatever struggles we power through, whatever obstacles we seem to leap over in a single bound…is for these kids we love with every fiber of our beings.
We are all members of an exclusive sorority. A sorority of fear, grief, guilt, failure (both big and small), success (this only comes in epicly huge with our kids), joy, gratitude, awe, inspiration and love. I so needed to be here for this…
Cwap, that got way deeper than I intended.
Oh, look…I DO have a picture of one of the gorgeous mountains surrounding us!
I took a snowball to the back of the skull for this one, you’re welcome.
I’m going to Canada!
I’m leaving bright and shiny early tomorrow. I’ll be up before the sun, heck, I’ll be in the air before the sun rises. I shall wing my way across the country and meet up with the incomparable Holly Roos. Then we shall fling ourselves northward to the open arms of Karen Helm ((Hahaha, totally kidding, I know how to spell your name Karen Kelm, I promise!)) and Talitha Humphrey. If you aren’t friends with those three ladies, you really should be. They’re amazing and I am so thrilled to be going away for my first ever Mommy’s weekend with them.
Between the four of us we will be representing 3 Fragile X groups, how cool is that? Being four moms who are all active or becoming active in the Fragile X world we could not possibly do a weekend away without a logo.
If I do, in fact, survive. I shall have tales to tell. Of course, I will have to leave out the drunken bits. Hopefully there will be something left to tell!
Another thing that sucks…
migraines…they really suck.
I am a headache kinda girl. I get headaches when I’m too hot, too cold, too hungry, too tense, too hormonal (sorry, was that an overshare?). I also get headaches when strong weather fronts pass through (mostly starting from sinus pressure) and sometimes I get headaches for no particular reason. Go me.
I’ve seen quite a few other fragile x mom’s comment about migraines and headaches too. Is this a carrier thing because I’m still waiting to “grow out of it” as my doctor once told me I would. Yeah, I do find some truly awesome doctors…
Some days, but not today.
I just heard the song “Serpentine” by Chris Bathgate. Beautiful. This one line spoke to me. I’ve had so many days like this when my depression is raging.
One brash phrase could crush this fragile day as my thoughts swirl in some shrill, sad cannonade.
I’m glad to not be there, at least for today.
This should be fun.
In anticipation of my trip to Calgary ((Only 12 more sleeps until I see Holly, Karen and Talitha!!! Yippee!)), I’m going shopping for a new winter coat. My current winter coat has a broken zipper so I’ve been using a paperclip to zip my coat for…a while…a long while. I hate to shop for clothes for myself so I’ve been putting it off for ages. I’ve convinced Monkey that he wants to go shopping with me but he has a preference for my next coat…he wants *PINK*. I have a coat in mind already but the pink-ish variation is sold out according to the website. Surely he’ll be fine with plum or blue, right? Right??
*fingers crossed*
Resolutions.
I’m not good at New Year’s resolutions, in fact, the only way I’m able to avoid total failure is to not make any! Two years ago, I broke that time honored tradition and made two resolutions: be more positive and to worry less. I think I’m a more positive person now (yay for pharmaceuticals!) but the worry. Oh, the worry. I just don’t know how to address that. I’m a worrier and always have been.
wor·ry·wart n. One who worries excessively and needlessly.
See also: fussbudget, fusspot.
I was called all THREE of those as a child! So that was a failure. I honestly don’t KNOW what to do about it. It leads to so much stress and anxiety…and those lead to headaches. Is it possible to change something that seems hardwired into your brain? Maybe this is a conversation for my doctor. Noted.
This is why resolutions fail, I never set concrete goals. If I’ve learned anything from writing IEPs it’s that I need measurable annual goals!
I’ll give this one more shot. For 2011…
- Lose the 20 lbs I regained this year. (You know what the biggest issue was here? The battery on my scale died and I stopped my weekly check-ins! Damn that battery!)
- Do 11 things I’ve never done before. That’s less than once a month, totally doable. I have one planned for January already, I’m taking a “Mom’s weekend” and, if we stay sober long enough, I’ll get a 2nd one in as well while I’m there.
More fluff.
Mmmm…Fluff!
Anway. I am loving this song!
http://new.music.yahoo.com/hackensaw-boys/tracks/suns-work-undone–175347937
The Hackensaw Boys – Sun’s Work Undone lyrics
What I want you to know, is how much I love you.
I place no one above you
You’re always in my prayers
And on the day you were born
Something inside of me grew and,
Something inside of me knew that…
I had done the right thing.
And you did what you did,
You had your own reasons,
It was your season
I believe it was your spring
(Chorus)
And the rain said it’d come
Left the sun’s work undone
The flowers were happy for the waiting
And I knew in my heart
Baby someday we would part
For now, it’s worth all the changing.
Broom Straw fields
The mountain’s green and misty
It was our history
The songs that we were sung
And it did not go
The way that I prayed for
The way that I stayed for
‘cause said I would
And the rain said it’d come
Left the sun’s work undone
The flowers were happy for the changing
And I knew in my heart
Baby someday we would start
For now, it’s worth all the waiting
And the rain said it’d come
Left the sun’s work undone
The flowers are happy for the changing
And I knew in my heart
Baby someday we would part
For now, it’s worth all the waiting
For now, it’s worth all the waiting
For now, it’s worth all the waiting
Fair warning, this one is dripping in sap.
I am not supposed to be blogging! I am supposed to be wrapping Christmas gifts, making treats, walking the dogs, cleaning the fish tank, cleaning the house, sleeping…something…pretty much anything except blogging but here I am.
I was clearing off the dining room table so I could wrap yet more presents and, buried under Monkey’s latest gold star work, were two Christmas cards I had missed. I hung them on the ribbons with the rest and I got that feeling again, you know, that warm fuzzy, all-is-right-with-the-world feeling? The one we parents, and especially we parents with kids facing extra challenges, so rarely get. There is always so much to do, so much to worry about, so much to fear.
When I get that feeling, I always try to fix it in my memory. Last year it was my Extra Special Santa and this year…it’s you…my friends…my family. I have been so amazingly fortunate this year and it first started to sink in when I realized I’d added 40 new people to my Christmas card list this year. I recognize that I don’t deserve half of it but I am grateful beyond words for it anyway. I am grateful beyond words for the support, the love, the laughs, the tears, the understanding. Whether it’s been a comment here, a “like” on facebook or a hug in real life I have absorbed every bit of it…every last positive thought and kind word. I’ve been changed by it.
I’m not going to make any grand proclamations because, when 2011 rolls around, you’ll still find me here with my eyes rolling wildly and gnashing my teeth but know this, under all that, I’m so much closer to the person I want to be now than I was last year…because of you.
♥Merry Christmas♥