Non Sequitur

First, Duhdee totally broke my heart when he said no to this…

I don’t understand how anyone could say no to an 8 month old Australian Shepherd mix.  Sure they are flipping INSANE but they’re insane in that “OMG, let’s do it again” kind of way.  There are very few dog breeds that I’m willing to add to the family that I think could keep up with our little Monkey and an 8 month old, cracked out Aussie just might be the perfect solution.  But *sigh”

To salve my wounded heart we decided to go to the fish store to add the new angelfish I had been wanting for a while.  We’d had 3 at one point but one had a fin deformity and passed on after a few months to no one’s surprise (she had a Nemo fin, come to think of it.  Poor thing.)  Then the large male just died.  He was fine when we went to bed and when we woke up he was dead.  He was the big guy in a tank of Tetras.  The water quality was fine.  We were very sad.  That left one lonely girl in the tank and she has ruled the roost uncontested since but they do well in groups and the tank seemed so empty.

So, we went to the fish store and bought 4 more!  They’re very pretty, I wish I’d mastered the art of photographing fish tanks but, alas, all you’d see is the reflection of my flash and the flash is not nearly as beautiful.  They look basically like this, 2 are mostly silver and the other 2 are more black.

Monkey HATES the fish store and there are probably a thousand reasons but the ones that I suspect rank highest on the list are:

1. It’s hot and humid;
2. It smells funny;
3. It’s always crowded;
4. It’s tiny;
5. The lighting is weird; and
6. There are 90 billion tanks of fish that he wants to pet and all he hears is “Monkey, don’t touch!” and “Hands OUT!” ((Also, “Uh, yes, that is a FROG!”  He pronounces it F*ck, loudly…repeatedly.))

After the fish had been bagged, Monkey immediately started asking to carry it and the teenage boy who’d helped us even managed to put one bag in his hands before I realized what was happening.  I startled him a bit when I snatched it out of Monkey’s hands and said, “I don’t think that’s a very good idea.”  Which, I think, should qualify me for an award of some sort…the understatement of the year, perhaps?

All through the check-out process and the 30 minute ride home Monkey asked to hold the fish repeatedly and we stuck to our guns and said no every time.  He was not a happy camper.  Of course, after we got home he jumped on YouTube and immediately pulled up this video:

See how smart we are?  After the fish were in the tank he grabbed one of the empty bags and acted out part of the scene…the bit that starts at 1:45.

Yeah…really glad I grabbed that bag from him…

This morning, as he was getting dressed, Duhdee grabbed a belt.  Monkey loves belts though he won’t wear one himself.   As Duhdee threaded the belt through the loops, Monkey grabbed the buckle and said, “Pull!”  And he did.

Duhdee, understandably, exclaimed, “Heyyy!” ((Monkey loves it when we exclaim “Heyyyy!”  It is his raison d’etre and he will do anything he can think of to get that reaction.  Then, of course, he laughs hysterically.))

Monkey looked up at him, grinned and replied, “Oh, dear!” à la Winnie the Pooh.

I suspect he was not being sincere…especially since he did it again not a minute later.

Yesterday I had the privilege of spending some time with my extended family.  I know I’ve mentioned more than once that my grandfather was one of 12 siblings.  That tends to result in a fairly large extended family.  Once a year, at my Uncle Dave & Aunt Carol’s house, we are all invited to gather to share food, memories and catch up on all the happenings of the previous year.  When I was younger we did not always make it to the event but since Monkey was born we’ve attended each year though it seems we missed 2009.  We can’t let that happen again!

It’s so nice to be able to sit back, look around and realize, “Oh, hey, that’s where I get that from!”  For instance, I know my tendency to say things just to get reactions out of people, preferably to make their jaws drop in shock, comes from my Papa.  He didn’t say this around me but I heard after the fact that he was telling someone about giving his lawn tractor “bl*w jobs ((He was talking about blowing into the gas tank to get it started.  No, I don’t know why this would work or be necessary but there it is.)).”  The question seemed to be, did he know what he was saying or was he trying to get a rise out of people?  If you know Papa, you also know…he totally knew.

It’s also a chance to pick the brains of the older generations.  I picked up a couple potato growing tips from a couple of experts that I’m sure will pay off next year.  Seriously, if they can get 100 lbs of potatoes out of a bag of potatoes going soft and sprouty in the pantry there is no excuse for my pitiful little hauls of 20 lbs based on 10 lbs of fancy pants seed potatoes.  Do you want to hear the biggest tip?  Fertilizer.  Seriously.  It seems like the farmer gene in my family tree has completely atrophied in me.  *Sigh*  Next year.

Monkey really seemed to enjoy himself once he had a chance to settle in.  There were some rocky moments because he’s not always able to join in and play with other kids appropriately but when he stuck to playing ball with some of the adults he did great.  He was happy, talkative and relaxed. The best part of the reunion for me was when one of my cousins ((second cousin, I think)) approached me.  He will be 30 this year and he has full mutation FX.  First,  he told me that he and Monkey both have Fragile X, which I knew.  He asked if he was going to have anyone to help him in school so we told him what sorts of help Monkey gets.  Then he said to me, as he watched Monkey playing, “Don’t worry.  He’ll be fine.”  It’s always good to hear and I know he’s right!

When the time finally came to leave he was very, very specific about where we were supposed to go and how he was supposed to get there.  Fortunately, Grammy and Grampa had no issue with him riding to “Grammy’s house” in “Grammy’s van.”  The only cwappy part of the day was when it was time to leave Grammy & Grampa’s house to go home.  When I told Monkey it was time to say good-bye he said “See ya!” to ME…and then waved me off.  Umm, nope, you’re coming WITH us little man.  That’s when he got mad, burst into tears and stomped out of the house.  Way to make Mommy & Daddy feel good, jeeze louise!

Grammy made some noise about not liking to see him cry but we all know she is thrilled he likes spending time there so much, lol.  Of course she had to admit that aloud too because there was no hiding the smile as she’d said that bit about the crying.  Now Duhdee and I are left wondering how on earth we can manage to give Monkey and Grammy this much needed time together.  It looks like Duhdee and I might have to plan some additional overnights.  Oh, woe is me!

They say all good things must come to an end and this is precisely why I hate “them.” 

Our last evening in the wilderness was a lot of fun.  The neighbors, I shall call them the TMI’s (and they know why, no one makes me blush…ever!!), came over for dinner, drinks and fun.  We had all 3 in abundance but, then, we always do at camp which is why we’re all always so sad to have to go home.  I know I probably make us all sound like total drunks but really that’s such a harsh word.  I would say the worst we get to is, perhaps, “tipsy ((Which can also be translated to “steps into dog bowls full of water creating small ponds on the kitchen floor.”  And that would be me, of course.)).”

I had been planning to pack up before bed so that Duhdee and Grampa could go fishing guilt-free the next morning but that didn’t work out exactly as planned.  You see, instead, I went to sleep.  I gave melatonin to Monkey (as usual), BOTH of the dogs and myself and then we all slept straight through the night, yay!  Of course, that meant we had to pack up in the morning which killed any chance of fishing.  It all worked out though.  We needed the sleep and it ended up pouring just as we finished packing the car.  If we’d started any later would would have gotten totally soaked rather than just uhhh…soaked…  My shirt was still damp 4 hours later when we got home.

Normally, the ride takes about 5 hours, we did it in less than 4!  We weren’t speeding ((any more than usual))…we just didn’t hit any traffic and we didn’t have to stop.  Both the kid and the dogs made it the whole way without needing a bathroom break!  Woah, baby.  Of course, we also had an incentive to keep moving.  Something is wrong with the blower motor in the truck so although the A/C was running fine the cooled air wasn’t being blown into the truck.  We had the windows down as much as possible but it was still sunny and in the upper 80’s so that was not very effective.  Not effective enough to keep Duhdee comfortable, at least, and an uncomfortable Duhdee is a crabby Duhdee.  Fun.

We had been telling Monkey as we were packing that we were going home and expected some anxiety.  We thought he’d be eager to leave, he’d been mentioning “home” for a day and a half by this point, but that was not the case.  He kept telling us “No, campt ((not a misspelling, it’s how he pronounces it and it’s so frickin’ cute!))!”  He did finally come around once the truck was packed but then he switched from protesting our imminent departure to “OMG WHY HAVEN”T WE LEFT YET!!”  Which is always nice.

Our arrival home was predictibly cwappy.  Monkey’s transitions are often stressful and this one was no different.  He was a crying, snotty mess while we unpacked.  He didn’t settle down until I was in my pajamas and we spent some quality cuddle time in the big bed.

Now who wants to go break it to him that he has to go to school tomorrow?  Anyone??  Please???

Today is our last full day of vacation.  It goes wayyyy to fast.  Last night was a rough sleeping night for our crack-head Aussie mix which means it was a rough sleeping night for me too.  He’s generally a freak but last night was beyond even him.  He managed to get himself stuck under our bed TWICE.  After having been rescued once you think it might have deterred him from repeating the move and you would be wrong.

At first I thought maybe it was his thunder-phobia but I took him outside and there was nothing but millions of stars for miles and miles.  There wasn’t even a single cloud in sight.  Just after I reassured him that there was nothing out there to be scared of something stepped on a dried branch in the woods and sent us both scurrying for the door.  Ultimately we gave him a sedative that we normally reserve for thunderstorms but I still lost a good 3 hours of sleep trying to get him to settle down and stop trying to squish himself into spaces that were much too small for him.

This morning, for something new, Duhdee and Grampa went fishing!  They got up early, as usual, but the oppressively hot weather here finally broke overnight and then this morning it poured.  They eventually left around 8:30 and Monkey and I got up at 10:30! Yes, TEN THIRTY!!!  Of course, that threw off the meals and meds schedule but whatever.  I needed that sleep!

We took a quick turn through town in Grammy’s van to see if there were any yard sales but I guess the morning rain caused some cancellations.  We did manage to find 3 deer and a moose in our travels so we didn’t get skunked.  Oh, wait, we kind of did.  Someone had hit one in town recently and the smell was noteworthy. Yuck.

The neighbors are coming over for dinner again tonight.  We’ll be having the 3 brook trout that Grampa and Duhdee have caught over the last couple of days, teriyaki steak, garden salad, pasta salad with shrimp and banana cake for dessert.  And, of course, Maine Blueberry Lemonade *grin.* I’m going to try to avoid another whipped cream incident.  I don’t need to remind Grammy that she hasn’t yet exacted revenge with only one day left!

You’ll be shocked to hear that Duhdee and Grampa went fishing again, I’m sure.  They leave each morning at 5:30 or 6.  Do you think it’s possible to get Duhdee out of bed that early for anything else?  Here’s another question, do you think it’s possible to get me out of bed that early for…uh…anything?  I might, might, consider getting up that early to get on a plane to some exotic location where I’d be pampered and have every whim catered to for a week month but to spend 5 or 6 hours on a boat driving in circles at 1.8 MPH ((the official trolling speed))?  No way, José.   And the fact that they do this day after day while on vacation is a bit nutty, no?  And the fact is that they do this day after day while on vacation and don’t always catch anything legal to keep (and sometimes anything at all.) That seems a bit nuttier.  But, hey, who am I to cast the nutty stone?

Today, I don’t know if they caught any keepers, small ones or if they were totally skunked.  I neither asked nor listened if the topic arose.   But, as I’ve heard my dad say before, the worst day on the lake is better than the best day at work…and even I would have to agree with that.  So, I’m sure they had a great time. In fact, let’s just assume that.  I don’t feel like asking now.

While they were out on the lake, Monkey was stubbornly refusing to do anything at all.  I have been taking him to the dock so Grampa and Duhdee can pick him up for a couple hours on the lake but when I asked him yesterday he told me, “No, Mommy.  Stay here, upstairs.”  So, that’s pretty much what we did.  He played with some of his toys for a while but mostly just wanted to hug on me.  I can handle a few hours of that!

In the evening, after dinner ((which was a roast, cooked on the grill…who knew that was even possible?)), we decided we needed to go into town for ice cream since we had not been in for ice cream yet ((shh, do not tell anyone that Duhdee and I had already been earlier this week!!)).  We took some, uh, bread…the ends that no one eats ((the word is totally escaping me at the moment))…for the ducks.  There is a pond behind the ice cream shop with hundreds of ducks in it.  Back when I was a kid, the shop sold bags of cracked corn for $.50 a bag so you could feed the ducks.  Then the flock grew and grew leaving lots and lots of duck poop all over the lawn and polluting the waterline so they stopped doing that.  People will still sometimes bring their own food so the flock never disappears but it’s nowhere near as large as it used to be and the back lawn is marginally cleaner.

I can’t recall off the top of my head if Monkey has ever been to feed ducks before.  It’s pretty much banned everywhere these days because of the mess the ducks (and the inevitable Canada Geese) make.  I get it. I hate parks covered in duck and goose poop and I know you don’t want to make wildlife dependent on humans either but it does seem like such an innocent childhood thing to do and it’s kind of sad that it’s not done, IMO.  Regardless, we took our own bread ((HEELS!!)) and Monkey had a great time.  He thought it was hilarious to watch the ducks scramble around trying to get a bite of bread.  A few of the braver ones, including 2 ducklings from this year’s brood, came up on land and ate from our hands.  The ducklings, in fact, were really aggressive bordering on threatening.  I think they might have gone for our toes if we hadn’t coughed up the bread!

After we finished the ice cream and ran out of bread we beat a hasty retreat to “Grammy’s van” for an hour of moosin’.  We had a nice ride and we saw 2 moose (also, a deer, as a bonus.)  The best part of the trip though was when Monkey totally messed with Grampa, lol.  “Grammy’s van” has a bunch of drop down doors to storage areas on the ceiling between the driver’s seat and the front passenger’s seat.  Monkey kept saying, “Grampa, open!” and Grampa would open a door.  Monkey would then reply, “Noooo!” in this “You’re so silly!” tone.  Then he would try again, “Grampa, open!”  Grampa tried every door, several times, and got the same reply each time.  After a few minutes we were all laughing so hard it was hard for Grampa to talk.  Monkey was very amused with himself.

Oh!  Dinner last night was very good!  I’ve discovered my new favorite summer cocktail, “Maine Blueberry Lemonade.”  It’s Stoli Blueberi vodka, lemonade and a few squished blueberries in the bottom.  Mmmm, yum!  We had crab fondue for an appetizer, I had a sirloin and Duhdee had duck.  Gosh, I hope it we weren’t out feeding the duck’s siblings today…

We’ve been really busy here the last three days.  We, uh, hmmm.  Well, we’ve been sweating, a lot.  And trying not to move too quickly and trying to avoid stepping foot anywhere not covered by shade or a fan, preferably both.

What else?  Let’s see, Grampa had a birthday!  He is now ___! ((Of course I know how old my father is!  I don’t even think he’d care if I told ya’ll.  He’s 59 and clearly a rock star to be retiring so early.  I think he’ll have worked at this company for 40 years when he retires.  Total rock star, I tell you.))  And he retires in 7 months!  Go, Grampa!  We had chocolate cake!  And a, uh, scented candle for … Monkey to blow out?  Grampa didn’t seem to mind too badly 🙂  It was way too hot for birthday candles and the cake was too small to support the proper number anyway, lol.

Then, Grampa, Duhdee and Monkey went fishing!  The newly repaired boat is finally, really and truly, repaired!  Woot!  They were able to get out on the lake for the first day of actual fishing on Day 7 and Grampa caught a salmon.  Then, we ((Not me though, I don’t like salmon.)) ate it.  They went back out today and caught a brook trout as a group effort.  Somehow this brook trout managed to hook itself on Grampa or Duhdee’s hook and then went and got Duhdee or Grampa’s hook caught on the hook already in its mouth.  They’re both laying claim to it but I’ve already told them that I don’t care who caught it.  I’m eating it!  Monkey reeled in his first fish today too!!  Duhdee caught it on video.  I’m not sure if I’ll be able to share it or not yet.

While the menfolk were out fishing I amused myself by doing 3 loads of laundry at the un-air-conditioned laundromat, can you stand the excitement?  Heh.  I did get a chance to read, uninterrupted, for an hour and a half!   That, I liked.

Last night, after another day of brutal weather, Grampa, Auntie, Monkey, Duhdee and I went swimming in the pond.  The little minnows were very hungry, apparently, they were practically swarming.  If they were longer than 1”and had teeth of any real size they could have been scary.  Monkey loved the pond, of course.  After a dip we took a spin on some of the dirt roads around the pond and on the ridge behind it looking for wildlife.  All we found was more dust so Grampa had to wash Grammy’s van when we got back.

Today, while the menfolk were out fishing, again, Grammy, Auntie and I went to the nearby Strawberry Festival.  There’s a community garage sale, lots of arts and craft booths and, of course, the strawberry shortcake tent.  There is a gentleman, who is there every year, who makes the coolest wooden planes, trucks, trains, skidders, bulldozers, etc.  If it has an engine and a little boy would obsess over it this guy makes it.  They’re so cool!  Monkey has one of his 6 foot long wooden trains (it’s massive) and a car carrier (the top layer actually folds out so you can drive the little wooden cars on and off of it!) from past years and today I added a tractor-trailer.  The trailer is actually a bank, very nifty.

We ended up spending a little over an hour there checking out all the tents and then we scarfed down our shortcakes in the one shady spot we could find.  In the firehouse with the ambulance (singular!), fire truck (singular!) and rescue boat (singular!) This is a small town, lol.

Tonight Duhdee and I have dinner reservations for our date night.  The restaurant is in an old log lodge overlooking the lake.  It’s not air-conditioned so we’ve got a table on the upper deck.  Of course, now, it’s starting to look like rain.  Figures!

Hmmm, maybe I’ll even try to post some of these blogs I have built up!  There’s really not a lot to do in town on a date night, lol.

Today we took Monkey on his very first trail ride on an ATV.  ZOMG.  I’m beat.  We rode about 12 miles into town, took a short break for an ice cream bar at the marina so Grampa could check on his boat (it is still not running) and then we rode the 12 miles back.  It was the first time we’ve spent that much time on the quad and also the first time Monkey wore a helmet for any length of time.  He had a great time!

The first bit of trail was really muddy which is totally Monkey’s thang.  “Splash!” is a near constant refrain here.    The rest of the trail was dusty, dusty, dusty.  It hasn’t rained here for a while and it definitely showed.  Grampa’s eyes were bothering him because he wasn’t wearing goggles and he rode the whole way home at the back of the 4 quad caravan.  He had goggles.  He chose not to wear them.  I wonder if they clashed with his outfit.

The dust didn’t really bother my eyes but, hours later, I’m still blowing dirt out of my nose and the insides of my elbows are not even remotely skin colored.  A good shower and a box of tissues will fix that.  I’m not sure I’ll ever regain feeling in either my @$$ or my arms though.  Not that I need those, right?