School

Monkey picked up a new word this weekend. Poor Duhdee was trying to get him dressed this AM and kept offering shirts only to be met with, “Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.” Ha!

Also, this morning I had a chance to talk to Monkey’s teacher while we waited for Monkey to walk into class and she told me that they’ve noticed some really big language developments lately! He is responding to multiple questions appropriately without getting fixated on the first answer. He’s actually listening to the next question and answering it appropriately.

And, as if that all weren’t enough, the district has finally hired a new Assistive Tech specialist. Our prior AT passed away just before Thanksgiving last year and the district has been without anyone to help Monkey with that ridiculously expensive AT device my insurance company paid for last fall. So…he’s still not using it. In fact, he sort of seems to hate it. They’ve got a long way to go to build trust before he’ll even work with her ((Unless she is blond and pretty, then he will be just fine.)) so it looks like another year of AT lost *sigh*

This also means we’re going to have to add “compensatory services” to our IEP discussions, not what I want anyone focusing on while we’re arguing for a full time aid for the Monkey-man next year since, by all appearances, he’s being mainstreamed for 1st grade…

I’m pretty sure a rock star could have made that mess into a coherent post…rock star fail! 😉

Yesterday morning Monkey was having a leeeetle bit of trouble transitioning to school…he fell to his knees in the truck and his face crumpled. Tears were a heartbeat away… Thinking quickly (and desperately) I showed him the change I had in my pocket. He’s been really interested in money lately so I thought it might head off the meltdown before it got started and it worked. He grinned from ear to ear as he reached for the bounty (about $.60.) I closed my hand around the money and told him, “When you’re on the sidewalk you can have the coins.”

He quickly hopped out of the truck and we walked around the front of the truck to the sidewalk. He was fairly vibrating with excitement by this time and he was saying “OK! OK!” in a high-pitched voice…almost a squeak. He presented me with his outstretched palm and as I put the coins in his hand I told him, “You’re rich!”

He kept a very tight grip on the coins all the way into class. He was jogging along beside me saying, “I’m rich! I’m RICH!” and hopping a little bit for emphasis every time the word “rich” came out of his mouth. He was adorable! We checked with the teacher and she was OK with us leaving the money with him. We weren’t expecting him to bring the money home, we thought he’d share it or lose it but the teacher gave him a Ziploc baggie and the coins survived the day.

This morning, after he was dressed for school, he found the baggie of coins. He was taking them with him again, no questions asked. “Hmmm…if he has what he wants,” I thought, “how can I bribe him?” I suggested that he put the coins in his bank, that is what rich people do ((Or so I am told!)), and I could give him MORE when we got into the truck.

I nearly broke my arm patting myself on the back when he ran happily to his room to make his deposit. What I didn’t think of was that I probably should have shared my plan because, as I turned the corner into his room, I saw Duhdee handing him MORE coins…because the whole thing is so darned cute. Curses, foiled again! Monkey came running back to me grinning from ear to ear…and really why shouldn’t he have been? He’d made his deposit, received one tribute already so his baggie was jingling nicely still and I’d promised him more. Hmmm…he’s shaping up nicely as a con artist!

We grabbed our coats and headed for the truck. After I had buckled his seat belt he held his little baggie out and grinned at me. I dropped in my addition. We were now ready to go.

Once at school, I opened my door and looked down to see three $1 bills on the ground. I picked them up and showed them to Duhdee, “It looks like someone dropped their lunch money. I’ll drop it in the office.” I closed my door, opened Monkey’s and was greeted with a baggie held out and open. He glanced at the bills in my hand, “Put in.”

What is going on here?? A week ago the kid had barely any interest in cash at all, he prefers plastic, and now he’s suddenly pulling a hold up on me? Sighing, I dropped the money in and told him, “But it’s not ours, I’m going to take it back.” He didn’t even acknowledge me. He ran to the doors of the school and when he stopped to wait for someone to open the door for him (they are hella heavy) I snagged the bills from his baggie to hand over to the school greeter. Not even a whimper!

We left him with his bag of loot. As we walked away, we heard the sound of coins hitting linoleum ((See what I did right there? The title says “And the fall out” and the coins fell out of the…yes, I know, I am a dork. Thanks for noticing.))…oh goody, an impromptu math lesson even 😉 It’s a good thing his teacher is such a good sport!

I swear I just updated you all yesterday, how is it Thursday? Better question, how is it the middle of damned FEBRUARY? Time is slipping away too fast for me. Gah!

First things first, I’ve decided to live. *Insert eyeroll* Duhdee is now deciding if he’s going to try the cold from hell on for size or not. I’m hoping for “not,” as is he. *fingers crossed* We have wayyyyy too much planned for the next two weeks for him to even attempt pulling off 3 days in bed.

Our new morning drop off procedure is working beautifully. Monkey’s teacher has been standing in The Waiting Place every morning and Monkey has continued to eye her suspiciously and then rush straight into his classroom. We say good-bye at the door and they encourage him to do his morning routine independently.

One really cool thing is that if Monkey misses a step, they are not reminding him. He is instead noticing what the other kids are doing and catching his missed steps independently. This is bodes very well for our next adventure which is looking increasingly like a mainstreamed first grade classroom with supports…exactly what we have been working for since Monkey transitioned to school at age 3.

We’re feeling cautiously optimistic that we’ll actually meet this goal with minimal resistance from the district. I never would have believed this back in those first days when we had to fight to just to get them to give him a chance to try an integrated setting. *fingers most definitely still crossed*

So. We just did our morning drop off.

The plan was that we’d do our normal drop off and his teacher would observe from a distance so that we could figure out the best place to transition Monkey. We wanted a location a that he was relatively comfortable in (so, not a doorway) and one that would not subject him to staring if he had a hard time. He is hyper-aware of being watched so I had little hope that his teacher was going to be able to find a location to observe from unobtrusively.

When we arrived at school I convinced Monkey to run with me a little to enjoy the “windy” day. Monkey loves wind in his hair! I looked around and did not see his teacher, I was thinking, “Wow, she did a great job of hiding!” I even thought that maybe she was observing from the second floor balcony. That all came to a crashing halt though when we walked around the final corner to his classroom and his teacher was just leaving the room. What the #3!!?

You could tell by the look on her face that she knew she’d flubbed up. She moved quickly out of his way so she wasn’t between him and the door. What she didn’t realize though was she’d just made the most brilliant move ever. One that could not have been planned. She moved into the space where Monkey normally gets “stuck”. With his teacher there, there was nothing left for Monkey to do but step on into the classroom.

Duhdee hung up his backpack and we kissed him goodbye just inside the doorway just like all the other parents. Now if we can just figure out how to choreograph this so she is stepping out of the door and into The Waiting Place every morning…

I owe Duhdee an e-mail. Why do I need to e-mail my husband ((Besides the fact that we are geeks and generally communicate electronically even when we are both home? Srsly, he will Skype me from the kitchen. Uh huh, rly. Moving on.))? Yesterday, when Duhdee picked up Monkey from school ((Yes, we sent him to school. No fever, no vomiting, no day off. District policy.)) he was handed a packet. Anyone who has a child on an IEP knows that a packet is never good news. BUT! It was Monkey’s progress reports and he is making progress so what was the issue?

The issue was the short note that was sent to all of the families. Effective this morning (so said the note) we are expected to transition Monkey to a staff member AT THE DOOR OF THE CLASSROOM and walk away.  Brilliant! *Blink*Blink*

Er, no?

We’re not opposed to building more independence into his morning routine. We’re not opposed to changing the morning process. We are opposed to changing a transition process that we’ve been using for 3 years ((With admittedly mixed results depending on the teacher, the first planned activity of the day, the phase of the moon, etc.)) with no time to prepare Monkey.

A sudden change in schedule for Monkey is OK on a one or two off basis, he’ll roll with it…but if it continues the boy knows how to put his FOOT DOWN. And the people who pay for it are Duhdee and I. There was a time we couldn’t leave our house without tears ((Mostly Monkey tears but some of mine too.)) because Monkey was so stressed about school that he cried and carried on until he was 100% sure we were not going to school. Words were not enough to convince him, we had to wrestle him into the car and listen to him stress and cry until we drove away from the school. Since his school was in our neighborhood this made MOST trips hell.

So, this morning we showed up at school with not a single clue as to what to expect. What we were met with was his teacher standing 3 feet inside the door with a piece of paper. On the paper were two PECs symbols. After backpack, water tornados. She acknowledged the need for minimizing verbal instructions during the transition. I think this might work, the issue is where do we transition? Stepping over a threshold is very challenging for Monkey in all locations…I don’t think saying good-bye to us and then asking him to step through the door is going to work.

Back to the e-mail, Duhdee wants me send him my thoughts so he can share them with the teacher this afternoon. We don’t want to have another morning of confused, half measures. Fair enough.

I want the transition to happen at a location where Monkey can have trouble without being an object of intense observation. I don’t want people staring at him when he’s already having a tough time. The door to the classroom is already loaded with anxiety in the morning. Other than that I guess I’m open to it. Like I told Duhdee, I don’t want to be the one to assume Monkey can’t do something. Now if I could just figure out where this mythical location is…

One of the recommendations from the OT at our last visit to the Fragile X clinic was to consider Under Armour for Monkey. Since he benefits so much from deep pressure we thought it had a chance of being really good for him. Of course, if there is one thing we’ve learned, it’s that Monkey often doesn’t much care what we think so it was really a total cwap shoot but we decided to give it a try.

We found an Under Armour outlet in Kittery and stocked up. We bought short-sleeved shirts, shorts and one pair of pants. We thought the shorts had a better chance of success but we wanted to try the pants too.

Two weeks into the trial, one of his teachers commented how much better he was doing at circle time. Instead of needing constant reminders to stay seated he was able to stay on his own! Circle time has always been a challenge for him because of the need to stay still and the fact that it’s always language based activities…not his strength.

A month and a half month into the Under Armour experiment and Monkey was so relaxed during story time that he began laying down and even staying there for a few minutes once the other kids get up. I don’t think you can explain this huge change in such a short period of time by saying it was just him maturing.

So, what does this have to do with making new friends? The result of a more relaxed Monkey is that he’s better able to make social connections. He is more tolerant of the busy, busy boys so he’s spending more time with the boys rather than his previous preference for the girls and their quieter play. In spending more time with the boys, relationships are developing. He talks more about the boys at home and on the way to school. He goes out of his way to be sure that his friends have what they need in the classroom (gathering lunch bags or other items before they leave the classroom) and he even has requested a play date with a classmate.

This morning we saw evidence of how much this friendship is being reciprocated. We were running late ((How do ALL the alarms in the house fail on the same morning?!?)) so we met two of his friends in the hallway as they took the attendance sheet to the office. They greeted him with big smiles and he returned the greetings. Everyone had moved to “morning meeting” so we had to rush to get Monkey set up to join them. Monkey had a hard time with this change and was really struggling. When it came time to “check in” by moving his name tag onto the wall with all the other kids who were in class, he missed the velcro. The tag fluttered to the floor and Monkey ran into the coat closet. He was stressed out and we knew we had to stop with the verbal prompts.

Just then the boys returned from their errand and one of them took a look at Monkey, stressed out and hiding in the closet, and then he noticed Monkey’s name tag on the floor. He didn’t ask what was wrong. He didn’t seem concerned at all. He just decided to help. He picked up the tag and put it on the last open spot on the check-in board, smiled at Monkey and moved on giving Monkey the space he needed to join the class. Just then, from the circle, we heard the teacher ask if the class had any questions they’d like to ask about a classmate. One of the boys raised their hands and said he had a question about Monkey.

I turned to look at the group, prepared for the obvious questions about what was wrong with Monkey, why was he upset, why was he in the closet, etc. I was preparing myself mentally to step in and explain how changes in the routine were very hard for him and why, when the question popped out. It was from a little boy in the class who is fairly significantly affected by autism so the question was a little garbled but the teacher was able to get the question out of him. He wanted to know…what Monkey had done yesterday.

That’s it. He didn’t particularly care that Monkey was making a very small scene not 10 feet away. He just wanted to know how his weekend was. I’d tell you how much it means to me to know that these kids just accept Monkey, quirks and all, but I think you all already know.

FWIW, Monkey’s weekend was *great.* It was no big deal, we just went on a successful play date in a new house with all new kids and all new adults. It’s not like that was THE MOST AMAZING THING EVER or anything *SQUEE*

I totally knew he would be. What?

Once he got through the transition, he settled down and had a good day at school. Sometimes I really can’t listen to my heart because my heart is not very smart. My heart wants to keep him happy and laughing even if that means we stay in our pajamas and never leave the house. It’s a good thing my head gets a word in once in a while and keeps us on the path to building a GOOD life for this little Monkey…one that does not revolve around pajamas and never going out or doing anything.