I know just about every mom falls into this trap but I think it’s especially true of moms of kids with special needs. In an effort to be good mom or, in my case, to encourage whatever bits of successful communication I heard from my little Monkey, we become very responsive…in my case, perhaps a bit…hyper-responsive. I so desperately wanted him to talk for so long that, once he started to talk, I did whatever he asked because OMG! HE ASKED! Then it got to be habit.
I’ve tried to back off. If I do everything he asks he’d never walk down stairs, he’d never put his own socks on, he’d never go to school (we’d just ride the Green Line all day.) Clearly he does all of those things now ((I do sometimes still carry him down the stairs as a special treat *shh*)) so I have gotten better. I just haven’t quite broken him of his habits…a conversation from this morning.
Scene: I was sitting at the dining room table with a monster cup of tea and my laptop. Monkey was in our living room, just out of sight.
Monkey: Money! C’mere.
Money: … (sipping tea, reading facebook)
Monkey: MONEY! I did it!
Money: What did you do?
Monkey: I did it, I fixed ’em! C’mere!
Money: What did you fix?
Monkey: C’mere, Money!
Money: …
Monkey: Money!
Money: …
Monkey: Money! MONEYYYYYYYYYYY!
Money gets up, clearly this is an emergency! She walks to the living room and sees her son sitting on the couch, his eyes glued to his laptop screen, with one hand stretched out toward her holding…his dirty socks. She stands silently, watching him, eyebrows nearly merged with her hairline.
Monkey looks up, grins, hand still out: Take ’em?
No, Money didn’t “take ’em”. I think I still have lots of work to do in this area…
My twins are two and still not saying any words. Ivan seems to understand basic things I say and he has two signs down. Alexander seems very far from understanding me or ever speaking. I don’t know if I could handle my kids being non-verbal.
Christy, I finally had time to go back and look at Monkey’s reports because we were really worried about the not talking too. That is what led us to the Dr. He had no words and was not babbling at age 15 months. At 2 years 9 months he had a few words he used inconsistently and in the wrong context…he was mostly using sign language/gestures.
I’m not going to say “don’t worry” because that’s what we DO and it is
scaryterrifying but try not to panic yet. This is a really, really common pattern for boys with FXS.