Once upon a time, I had these ideas.

When I was pregnant I had two major fears…autism and mental retardation.  I thought I could handle anything but please, please, please not either of those.  I was terrified of having a child who was “locked in” their own head and unable to bond with me.  I was terrified of having a child who’s life would be a struggle.  I was terrified of having a child I saw as a burden and not a blessing.

This past weekend, Monkey and I were sitting on the couch.  I was reading and he was laying on his back reciting letters with his characteristic verve.  I set my book aside for a moment and just looked at him.  I was overwhelmed quite suddenly by a wave of love.  You all know the feeling, when your heart just seems to suddenly expand six sizes in your chest?  I reached out with one finger and touched the top of his foot.  He made eye contact with me and smiled as he continued reciting letters.  My throat tightened, tears came to my eyes and I whispered, “I am so lucky to be your Mama.”  He smiled again and then broke eye contact.

Thank goodness for my little Monkey and all he’s taught me because…once upon a time, I was so ignorant.

This sappy post is brought to you by strong little arms wrapped tightly around my neck and a soft voice whispering  “yes” in my ear each night when I ask if I was missed.